The times when children were brought up with rods,rigor and humility, long gone. Today, every conscious mother tries to cultivate an interesting personality, individuality and just a healthy member of society without complexes and mental problems in her own children. And then the question arises: how not to shout at the child? This problem arises even in the most loyal and friendly families. Let's figure out why and how to cope with it.
What is this phenomenon
How often from wonderful and very loving momsone can hear the pleading: “I yell at my child! I do not know what to do! Help! ”With such words and eyes full of tears, women frantically search for advice on the Net, run to their girlfriends or turn to psychologists. So what is this phenomenon? It's simple. This means that at some point, the mother loses control of herself, allows all the accumulated negative emotions to come out and sends all their turbulent flow to a small and defenseless person, to the one who loves most of all in the world and who cannot his age and position to respond to a surge of aggression. Unfortunately, a person most often does not see himself at such moments, because very few people yell at their child, standing in front of a mirror. And it looks like this: anger in the eyes, strained and twisted muscles of the face or even the whole body, disheveled hair and a terrible voice. Yes Yes! That is what a beloved child sees when his mother screams at him.
Many will say, they say, he deserved it. Is it true? Here are the main reasons for my mother's scream.
Reason 1: stress
The most common today -stress in the absence of child guilt. Like this? Yes, very simple! A woman who is overwhelmed with stress, hassle and fatigue, simply falls through on someone who does not resist. And often without even realizing it. Let's think about whether an accidentally broken old vase, a poorly-recited verse at school or a soiled sweater are really worth the cost. Perhaps the beloved child touched this pot when he tried to get a book for himself, because his mother was not at home. Perhaps, the son or the daughter was badly told the poem because the stomach was ill. Probably, the new sweater was stained by a bullying classmate that neither teachers nor parents can handle. But sleepy and tired mother did not understand, but simply yelled at the door.
Reason 2: lack of attention
Today, women are very often engaged in a careerwork and self-realization. For some, this is the only way to survive, for others - an inner need. Anyway, mothers are not sitting at home, but are in offices, at business meetings and on business trips. And it turns out that their children see and hear the most dear person less often than her colleagues and business partners. In order to attract attention to themselves, both children, schoolchildren, and even teenagers unknowingly choose the most accessible way - to be guilty. After all, then my mother will come off the monitor of a computer or tablet and look into their eyes, even with a shout and a curse. And let these minutes be scary, but they will belong only to them and mom, whose attention is so lacking.
Reason 3: disobedience
The most difficult and ambiguous problem is a childindulges and does not obey. First, this behavior may be due to the factors outlined in the previous two paragraphs. If all the same attention is enough and the mother is trying to grasp the essence of the situation, and the child continues to behave not as it should, then you need to understand further. It is better to divide the problem into conditional age categories:
- Kids, preschoolers and children of primary schoolage Often, these guys do wrong simply because they have no clear line between good and bad. Their self-indulgence is simply a game whose goal is ultimately to know the world around us.
- Children of secondary school age. Pampering as such is over. Now the child tries on various roles, checks the life axioms given by parents, and is simply mistaken.
- High school students and teenagers. At this age, the reasons for disobedience are most often protest, a desire to stand out or the search for an inner “me”.
If you understand the reason why the child enteredanyway, in many cases the need for abuse will disappear, and another will arise - to talk heart to heart. And here all the best qualities of the mother will be useful: patience, understanding, sympathy, empathy and, of course, love. Such conversations will not only help to solve problems of behavior or study, but will also give many pleasant moments, bring parents and children closer.
Having understood the reasons for their cry, many mothers no longer ask how not to shout at the child. If it still does not work, then follow the tips outlined below.
Tip 1: remove irritants
How not to get lost on a child, if, as they say,nerves are no good. First you need to revise your life schedule and remove from it the maximum possible number of stimuli. For example, stop communicating with a friend who always cries and gives only negative. Just say “no” to her and delete the number from the phone. Cruel? No, because their children are much more important and more expensive than anyone else. Or try to change the job at which everything is enough. Difficult and scary, but it is possible, if the psychological health of their own children depends on it. And so on. Then you need to make up your daily routine so that there is always time left for yourself to be loved, to sleep and to communicate with children.
Does not work?You can try to attend time management training, where experts will teach you how to plan time correctly. And the last - to find an occupation or action that will help relieve stress. Someone enough to crumple a piece of paper, others go to the gym to beat a punching bag, others put on sneakers and run through the park and so on. The main thing is not to throw out the negative on your child.
Tip 2: Think about the consequences
Often moms don't have enough motivation to start.act and change something. Sorry for the baby, they scold themselves, but calm themselves down, they say, with whom it does not happen. Each time, before shouting, imagine what harm you do to your child. The little man is frightened, his consciousness cannot cope and process this horror, the nerve cells are destroyed, the connections between neurons are lost, and so on. This is fraught with nervous disorders, psychological diseases that can lead to loss of physical health. Not scary? Then come up with your own picture of the harm the parent screams do. For example, imagine that every time during a parental oracle, a child eats a poisonous fungus that destroys its nervous system and can cause very serious harm to a small body.
Tip 3: Relax
How not to get lost on the child with the help of a magicpills? There is no such remedy, but a variety of herbal teas and infusions will help your mother to calm down. Just do not self-medicate. It is better to contact a doctor for help and pick up the drug that will strengthen the nervous system and will not cause harm to health. In no case should not try to relieve stress with smoking or alcohol. These tools will not solve problems, but rather add new ones. Another good way to relax and calm down is to take a bath or shower. Water, as you know, has the unique property of washing away negative energy and giving strength.
Tip 4: Deterrent Factor
Another good way how not to screamchild - is to find a deterrent. Most mothers will not yell at their child in the presence of guests or just strangers. Most often, shouting and swearing fall on a child when no one is near. If this is the case, then it is worthwhile to start yelling hysterically before imagining that guests are sitting in the next room or in the kitchen. This can be a deterrent. Then take a deep breath and leave the room, such as the balcony. Stand, take a breath of fresh air, think about what happened, analyze the situation and, having calmed down a little, return to the child to calmly discuss the problem or a controversial situation.
Tip 5: Conditional
There is another one that has already become a classic,a way to deal with manifestations of aggression towards your own child. It is necessary to agree with a son or daughter about a conditional sign or phrase that the child can use if she sees that the mother loses control of herself. This could be a raised hand, a face covered with hands, or a saying: "Mom, stop, let's talk." This will be a sign denoting the border beyond which the child is scared and hurt. Mom, in turn, can respond to this in three ways:
- Adjustment: apologize for the cry and admit that the child’s deed was wrong or even bad, but it wasn’t enough to shout.
- Rewind: thank the child for the reminder of the contract and the conditional sign and indicate that the reason for this phenomenon was that the mother was very upset by the bad deed of the child.
- Repeat: apologize for the cry and invite your son or daughter to start a conversation again, but calmly.
Thus, the child will also feel its security, and the parent will receive a deterrent.
Tip 6: literature on psychology
A lot of useful information, tips,recommendations and techniques, how not to scream at the child, can be found in the special literature. Yes, it is in those books that are so often rejected with the words: “Well, what's new they will write there, everyone knows everything so long ago!” Psychology is a science that, like any other, does not stand still. Scientists all over the world work from day to day to give the world answers to various questions, including about parenting. Therefore, one should not neglect such literature and read a couple of at least the most famous authors.
Tip 7: no indifference
Ни в коем случае, никогда и ни при каких circumstances, you can not say the child the phrase: "Cry and scream as much as you want." Mother for a child is the whole world, the whole Universe, and such a phrase means indifference and indifference to his sufferings. After all, the child cries sincerely and gives himself up to the emotions without a trace, completely - so the child’s mind is arranged. By analogy for an adult, it looks like this: the whole world is turned away, nobody needs you, and even if you don’t become, everyone will not care. This mindlessly abandoned phrase causes enormous damage to psychological health and gives rise to doubts in a small consciousness. Does mom really love me? And if she does not throw me, will not turn away, can you trust her? Any normal mother will simply be horrified by such questions.
Tip 8: Family Psychologist
If the above tips don't help, then don'tit is necessary to give up and let things take their course. There is a way out of any life situation, and in this case, the mother most likely needs to go to a specialist. Do not be shy or afraid to visit a family psychologist. Perhaps a couple of conversations will forever solve the problem and give their families and beloved children a happy childhood without shouting and abuse.
A special case
Often in this issue there are delicate situations. Women say: “All these tips are good, but what if I bring up other people's children?”
Если речь идет о том, чтобы кричать на детской on completely unfamiliar babies, then the solution is unequivocal: the point cannot be. Without trial in causes and consequences. Shouting at other people's children is impossible, just as, for example, standing in the way of a train in progress. The second is no doubt?
If we talk about the situation with adoption, orAdoption, or, perhaps, just living together with non-native children, it is best to contact a psychologist. First, because in each specific case it is necessary to take into account the reason why the child does not live with his mother. Secondly, we need an individual approach of a specialist to understand and understand the level of trust and intimacy between non-native parents and children. And only on this basis, a professional will be able to choose a technique and give recommendations on how to behave both to the mother and the child.
Summing up
Understanding the reasons for your cry and trying to eradicate this habit, it is worth remembering a few unshakable truths:
- Child, his physical and psychological health,His smile and hug are the most valuable thing in a woman’s life, and nothing can be more important or important. The love of one’s own child is constant, and everything else in the world is only variable.
- Nervous mother is a nervous child.Children feel very sensitive and react to the state of the parent, so you should carefully monitor your psychological state and not allow your troubles and problems to influence the life of the most dear and beloved man.
