Мы привыкли ориентироваться в своей жизни на colorful commercials. Happy family, loving parents, playful, but obedient kids. Patient mothers calmly explain to their sons and daughters how to behave. And, it would seem, the thought “I hate my children” could not even come to mind “the real parents”. And although in reality these are real feelings, we will displace them to the last, without confessing to them even to ourselves. “I hate my children,” a woman sometimes thinks in despair, “but no animal will offend the offspring and will always protect him. How can you experience this? If I think so, then I’m not fit to be a mother." The strongest taboo - with all our openness and free morals - is still imposed on the image of family relations. Nevertheless, psychologists say: there is not a single mother who has at least once experienced such a feeling towards her child.
Why is this happening and is it necessary to fight it?To begin with, in the public opinion from the "real mother" requires constant sacrifice. It is believed that she is obliged not only to satisfy all the needs and whims of her child, but at the same time to serve the family, work, look good and be happy. A mother often does not get enough sleep, lives in constant stress, overloaded with responsibility, physically exhausted. And at the same time, every step she experiences problems with upbringing: now grandmothers “carefully” suggest that she does everything wrong, then neighbors, now her co-workers, and her own offspring are not at all interested in “complying” with her ideas about how should be. The first thought that arises from the mother and scares her is "I hate my children." In fact, most often the case is quite different. This is not hate if you analyze the feeling more closely. Mother does not wish evil to her children. But at a particular moment it seems to her that if they “disappeared” or were different, her problems would have evaporated or been resolved. She would be able to sleep, do what she wants, relax, sit with her friends. Could buy something for himself, and not for the ever-demanding child, who "is always a little."
If you are increasingly attending the thought "I hate mychild, what to do, whom to turn to? First of all, calm down. Your feelings are not a perversion. This is your reaction to stress. If you are looking for help and an answer to the question of why parents hate their children, then this is not the true reason of your emotions. By trying to cope with a problem, you prove that you really love your child. For hate, you accept irritation, fatigue, anger, despair, a feeling of helplessness. And the real reason is to look for yourself. What are your needs not satisfied What settings make you demand too much from yourself? Why do you need to be an "ideal mother"? To be admired by neighbors and friends, or to be comfortable and safe for children? Very often imaginary hatred of offspring is really disgust and contempt for currently, low self-esteem, which inspires parents that they can not cope with their responsibilities.
Do not be afraid to express your feelings beforechildren. Very often parents make a huge mistake, not admitting their true emotions. And the child is in a difficult situation: he feels that the mother or father is angry, annoyed, feels it subconsciously. But if they don’t speak directly about what kind of actions they don’t like, what exactly made them angry, but on the contrary, out of guilt for their negative emotions, try to “redeem” with unnatural kindness, gifts, children learn that true feelings should be hidden that sincerity is unacceptable. Whereas the constant suppression and substitution of one’s emotions leads only to the neurotic development of the personality. Of course, this is not about throwing out aggression for any reason and shouting to everyone: “I hate my children because they ...” But to say straight: “I’m angry because I don’t like this or that It hurts me when you do this and that, ”is much better and healthier for family relationships than insincerity and the suppression of negative emotions in any way.
