In this article we will discuss the painful and veryserious topic - how to save a marriage. Nowadays, families break up almost every day. The reasons are different for everyone. But let's start the topic from the very beginning of the relationship - dating, first date. Why do you need it? Often the key is hiding there. And later we will consider what can be done to preserve the relationship.
What you need to know before dating
Young people, after watching beautiful films,having read a lot of modern books, he begins to think that the perfect marriage is built on beauty, romance. But it is not. No wonder they say: "Look for your wife is not in the dance, but in the garden."
Помните, что семья создается не для развлечений, but for a completely different purpose. Here you need to learn to give in, to compromise, to put up immediately after a quarrel, and even better not to swear at all. There is even an example in Orthodoxy: a family is like a bag of sharp stones. Shake him long and well. Either the stones will eventually become like cobblestones, or the bag will burst. It is necessary to learn how to smooth out your faults in a family, and not your beloved spouse.
Beautiful and expensive wedding or just painting
Believe me, a luxurious wedding is not a guarantee of happiness for life. A modest wedding, oddly enough, creates a truly happy and strong family. Do you know why?
Need to know the purpose of marriage. There may be such options:
- age is pressing, parents want to leave, all the friends are already married;
- after the wedding begins a beautiful life, the continuation of romance;
- pressure from the second half or third parties;
- pregnancy out of wedlock.
Unfortunately, in this case there is no guarantee that love, marriage, family will exist until the end of life.
Так какая же цель должна быть?Of course, you need to learn love in the family. It is necessary to make it most (most). You can not wait when a loved one comes first. This may not happen. Two proud under one roof - this is a disaster. Just need to learn to get rid of their own selfishness, and not to retrain another.
Why do we get married?
We continue our serious conversation.How to get rid of your own selfishness? There will be many reasons. During the next offense, try to come up first, hug, say: “Forgive, to blame (a). Let's make it up, and then the heart shrinks at the sight of what is happening to us. " In no case can not say: "Well, you yourself are to blame." To reconciliation this will not lead.
Why are we getting married?Family relationships and marriage is a school of life. Not by chance, for example, in the Orthodox Church, a person is given a choice: a family or a monk. What for? To learn to truly love, but it should undergo severe trials. This has a deep meaning for the Christian soul. But even if you have other views on life, you still need to learn love in marriage.
From romance to family life
Period of dates - it looks like a wrapper fromcandy: looks beautiful, tempting. But when the spouses are left alone with everyday problems and life, the wrapper flies. It is during this period that one should always remind oneself: at first it is always difficult, one has to be patient. But how to save the marriage? You should think about it now, even if this is your first day together. No need to postpone everything until later, as it may be late.
Marriage of convenience
Rarely such families are saved forever. But in a marriage of convenience, you can learn love.
Рассмотрим другой вариант: беременность вне брака.Perhaps the highest divorce rate for this reason. Is marriage for the sake of children or one child in this case? Of course, yes. What baby is to blame? After all, parents knew what could be after happy minutes together. And the appearance of the crumbs, which is a part of father and mother, is serious: in this case, loving spouses should bring such an event together. But, oddly enough, they drift away over time. Learn to love each other.
Unfortunately, to convince the newlyweds almostmanages to. Because extramarital affairs were for pleasure, not love. But even in this case, if you show patience and understanding, the marriage can become happy, and the relationship - strong.
Do you live together before marriage?
Let's dispel the myth that you need to check each other out. From a hundred civil couples, according to statistics, only ten reach matrimony. And there is absolutely no hope that this is forever.
Do not consider such a fact to be a mystic:lived together, let's say, for 6 years, signed and divorced six months later. And there are infinitely many such stories. Does it make sense to play with fire? Probably not. You need to know each other, keeping your body distance. Let from the moment of your acquaintance pass not less than half a year. If the relationship is cracked a year after they met, then think better of parting for a while in order to understand yourself. Do not go to extremes: start living together after reconciliation. It was all about extramarital affairs.
Character, habits, interests
Что происходит с парой после женитьбы?Much begins to change: everyone no longer hides his character, shows his habits and does his favorite things. Wise and happy spouses say: “Do not look for people of similar nature, otherwise you will simply crush each other.” What is the point? For example, you are a very gentle and quiet person, and your beloved is a hot-tempered one. A gentle person is like water, and a hot-tempered person is like fire. To prevent a fire, you need to extinguish. Now imagine two lights in the house.
How to save a marriage, if all the same both quick-tempered?Whoever is first aware of the fallacy of such a relationship, let him try to start reconciliation. If you feel that you are going to break now, you'd better go to the next room, beat the pillow, do what you love, but do not start or continue the quarrel.
Why spouses are arguing
Why do differences arise?The reasons are different. It does not even make sense to list them. For you, the most important thing is just to avoid quarrels, scandals. Believe me, the myth that sometimes you need to shake up the relationship, did not justify itself. On the contrary, each quarrel is permanently imprinted in the subconscious of both spouses. How to restore a relationship after another quarrel? First, put up first, do not wait. Second, do not allow the appearance of a new one.
Whatever the reason is provoking a quarrel,try to solve it with a compromise. Discuss how to agree on what is troubling. If the conversation does not work, ask for help from wise spouses who have lived together for more than 50 years. Dear old woman and an ideal spouse can share a secret. In no case do not go to grandmother-whisperers, magicians, inexperienced or unknown psychologists. The results will be disastrous.
Do not allow cheating
What is cheating in marriage? Betrayal.By the way, this is a good reason for a divorce in both the registry office and the Orthodox Church. With the commission of adultery, the family perishes. Of course, there are cases of reconciliation of spouses, deep repentance, return.
Чтобы избежать измен, следует уделять друг другу attention, spending time together, sharing your wishes and secrets, fulfilling good requests. And, of course, do not look around, do not look at the girls (guys) on the street or in a cafe. You can not compare your beloved (beloved) with others, to see in someone more merits than in a spouse. Remember: your half is the best!
Stay together
When the weekend or vacation comes, timespend always together. Have an exciting holiday or picnic. In the summer you can go to the river or into the forest for mushrooms, in the fall you can go on a tour, in the winter it’s time to go skiing or sledding downhill, in the spring you can go rafting with a company of tourists.
And if no trips are planned, decidewhat will you do at home. Let the lesson bring pleasure to both. You should not devote all day to computer games or watching movies - it will not bring joy to those who are not involved.
How to avoid a quarrel?
We have already mentioned above what to do if a quarrel begins. Just go to the next room and do what you love. In any case, do not continue the argument, even if it is boiling in your soul.
How to save marriage when quarrels occur farnot groundless? Be sure to look for a compromise, give in to each other. Learn to be patient. Let us give an example: one middle-aged family has existed for 50 years. But the character of his wife was imperfect. She was constantly dissatisfied with something, grumbling all the time. The husband did not just tolerate it, he treated her grumbling with ease and humor. The character of his wife over the years did not become softer, but they were a wonderful couple, everyone believed that they had the perfect marriage.
How to bring happiness to the family?
Many spouses wonder howto return the beloved, what to do if everything is already destroyed, whether it is possible to build relationships again. Of course, it is possible, but on condition that both of them want to change. If one person works, and the second doesn’t need it, then everything doesn’t seem like a boat with one oar: there will be a whirl in one place.
Think about whether the problem lies in the firstturn in you? Start changing yourself for the better. Do you know what is characteristic of an ideal wife? Of course, caress, care, respect. Do not forget that the husband comes home from work hungry: be sure to cook a delicious dinner. Let his favorite dish be on the table.
Do housework together
On a day off, cook dinner together. For example, one washes vegetables, the other cuts them. The same applies to cleaning: spend it together. By the way, how to keep a happy marriage on joint business?
Exercise them every timeopportunity. Of course, you do not need to try to do everything together: if the husband has to complete the assembly of the furniture, then let him deal only with it while the wife is preparing dinner.
Change your lifestyle and atmosphere
Often be in nature, go on excursionsgo to museums or exhibitions. Diversity in family life must be present so that it is not a burden. Monotony often leads to discord and despondency.
Nostalgia and return to romance
You can remember the years when you startedmeet. The feeling of love is remembered for a lifetime. What did you do when you had dates? Try to make a surprise. For example, invite the other half to a restaurant for a romantic candlelit dinner or stroll along the places where you were 20 years ago. Give the same candy as in youth.
Remember that a happy marriage depends entirelyonly from you. If you are still young, learn to maintain and improve relationships right now. In any case, know that for you the most expensive is the family. Spouse and children. Take them as the best gift in life, take care of each other!
