When it comes to addiction, most oftenWe have images of people suffering from the so-called chemical addiction (addiction to alcohol, drugs, smoking). In addition to this addiction, we attribute the excessive enthusiasm for computers (games, social networks) and gambling.
Однако существует еще созависимость, которая differs from other types of dependence by the fact that at least two people participate in this process. And liberation from co-dependency can lead to the resolution of many other problems, whether it is the use of psychoactive substances or "living" in a social network.
Need to know what to fight
To get rid of codependency, you first need to understand what it is and how it is dangerous. There is a rather long list of characteristics of a co-dependent person, we list some of them:
- A co-dependent person feels good when others approve of him;
- experiencing feelings of guilt for other people's problems;
- afraid of being rejected;
- divides the whole world into "black" and "white";
- undeservedly idealizes others and takes offense at them for the fact that they do not meet his expectations;
- can not distinguish their thoughts and feelings from the thoughts and feelings of other people.
This list can be continued, but all of the listed characteristics reflect the blurring of the boundaries of the personality, an unconscious type of thinking.
Is recovery possible or not?
The traditional medical approach answers this question negatively, citing the impossibility of confronting the biological and hereditary factors involved in the formation of dependent behavior.
However, according to Berry and Janey Winehold,liberation from codependency is first of all liberation from unfinished, unresolved problems in the client’s early childhood. Each person in the course of his development goes through a series of important stages. All stages associated with the transition of a person from one stage to another must be completed in an acceptable manner, otherwise there is a risk of developing deviant behavior.
Probably at some time in customer historyboundaries were violated or an event occurred, the recollection and elaboration of which will make it possible to survive the liberation. Sometimes we are separated from social addiction by several steps, and it is important to be especially attentive when raising children.
The main thing is freedom
In his book, Liberation from Code Dependency, Berry Winehold focuses on the notion of freedom as a qualitypersonality characteristics. Freedom implies a state that cannot be achieved, focusing only on external stimuli. However, freedom does not mean impunity and permissiveness. First of all, it is important to understand what we want to be free from.
Liberation from codependency implies first of all the turning of the inner gaze to one’s own “I”, to the awareness of the causes of our behavior.
Ways to recover
Most often, the release from the codepen trap is done in two ways:
1. By focusing on codependency as a disease, as an alien object to be fought.
2. By building new relationships with loved ones.
But there is a third way to which the book “Liberation from code dependency” is devoted. This approach is based on the fact that codependency is not an incurable disease, but quite successfully amenable to correction.
The potential of the individual on the path to freedom
Codend relations devastate a personbecause they lead to erasing the boundaries of the individual, to partial loss of oneself and dissolving in another. The work aimed at the development of one’s personal potential, the awareness of oneself as a whole, leads to the strengthening of the boundaries of one’s ego.
Для того чтобы освободиться от тягостной co-dependency, today the most effective is a 12-step program, which includes a phased study of the problem of co-dependencies. In the course of work on this program, a person learns to take responsibility for his life and, as a result, becomes a more mature person.
Social Addiction and Society
However, getting rid of addiction is complicatedthe fact that modern society is not interested in the development of the individual. Cohesion, team spirit is good. But, on the other hand, a society built on codependency is a herd effect, erasing the boundaries of its “I”, lack of an opinion and, as a result, susceptibility to the influence of someone else's point of view.
Nevertheless, man is a social being and notcan live separately from others. In the struggle for liberation from co-addiction, other people can provide invaluable support and assistance. In particular, getting rid of the co-dependence of married couples occurs much faster, more efficiently and painlessly, if carried out immediately for both spouses. Visiting various support groups will also speed up the healing process due to the positive influence of other people with the same problems. And finally, reading the motivational literature on successful release will provide the necessary resources for personal change.
Co-addiction prevention
The simplest thing we can do toto protect your child from the codependening future relations, it is from early childhood to have a strong relationship with him, but to respect his borders. For this it is important to understand that the child is a person who has the right to his own emotions and feelings. When we forbid a small person more often than we allow, he can stop believing in himself and rely only on someone else's, “competent” opinion.
