There is an opinion that treason is as terrible asdeath. With her arrival, the best feelings die: trust, openness, devotion. In most cases, they go away forever, and they can not be resurrected, like a dead body. A particularly bitter, irretrievable loss becomes trust. And without him to continue full relations between a man and a woman is simply impossible. Unfortunately, this is not understood by those who decide that treason for treason is the best way to punish a traitor. In the heat of emotion, often thoughtless decisions are made, which further exacerbate an already difficult situation.
Treason for treason. Satisfaction or just punishment?
Is it worth it or not to be like the one who committed treason and betrayal first? Absolutely all specialists in the field of interpersonal relations, as well as psychologists say that - no.
Why, in their opinion, treason for treasonIs it inadmissible in a relationship, even if already shattered by such a terrible thing as treachery? Because this is a dead-end road, a road to nowhere. After all, in fact, we are talking about revenge, which is rightly associated with the pit, which, above all, the avenger digs himself. It is interesting that almost all people after such an act of retribution did not feel the long-awaited relief and even regretted what they had done.
Changed wife
This in our time already happens quite often.Although before treason was the "prerogative" of men only. Sexual freedom, broken stereotypes and discarded cliches led to the fact that female infidelity became the same "normal" phenomenon as men's.
So, in the family there is an unpleasant thing:the husband finds out that his wife is cheating on him or changing it once. It is known that men perceive the fact of such betrayal sharper, as their self-esteem and the male ego are affected. Events develop after this for all in different ways. One collects things and leaves the house or exposes the traitor out of it. Another threatens to file for divorce, the third can and forgive (this is also not uncommon). There is another category of deceived husbands - those who decide on revenge. That is - treason for treason. In their opinion, this is just and puts both sides of the conflict in equal positions - no one feels stricken and humiliated.
With whom they will change their wife - this is notso important. The main thing is for the spouse to know about the act of revenge, to make her suffer and suffer, as it was with him, her husband. Often, these husbands choose friends, sisters or common with his wife friends to make it even more painful.
Punished for treason
So the husband explains his act to himself, his friends or his wife, if they still maintain a relationship. Although it is often impossible to stay together after such events.
And what do men feel?Do they feel satisfaction and relief? Many of them admit that they did not get the one for what they were going for it. On the contrary, after the deed they were tormented by conscience, there was a feeling of disgust. And feelings of humiliation and insult from the betrayal of the wife so nowhere and not gone ... But you must somehow punish for the betrayal of his wife? Punishment can be only one thing - it's forgiveness.
Treason of a husband
So it was in our society that the malepolygamy is a normal and acceptable phenomenon for all its representatives. The fact that a married man is cheating is normal, some even approve of adultery. We will not talk about cases where the spouse lives a "double" life: has a "parallel" family or permanent mistresses. Here, no one can talk about love and devotion to a legitimate spouse, as well as about other human feelings.
Так получилось, что жена узнала о неверности мужа.It could happen by accident or he himself admitted it. On how the fact of betrayal became known to the spouse, too much depends. For example, if the husband tried to conceal everything and not let his wife know about his adventures, then, most likely, he was afraid to upset her, to anger her. In a word, I did not want to hurt her.
Another thing, if the traitor decided himself in everythingadmit. Hence, he or wants to part with his wife, or he acts as an honest man and very much cherishes his relationship with his wife. After all, he understands that between two loving people there can not be secrets and lies.
To change the husband in the answer or not?
Doing this also does not cost, regardless of who and with whom changed the spouse. Offended woman is capable of much due to her emotionality, but this will not be the solution to the problem.
Wife avenges for treason, deciding to do the same.This for her is the justification of the act, because it is of equal importance and content will be equivalent to what the husband did. What does a woman decide? She can offer sex to someone from friends, colleagues or even a stranger, who will meet you at the bar the day before. Yes, she will receive her compensation and, perhaps, feel proud that she has avenged her treason. But such an act will never bring moral and spiritual satisfaction.
Why do we want to take revenge
People who survive the shock of betrayal, do not know how to behave in this situation. Simply, no one has ever beforehand prepared for such a thing-everyone hopes that this bitter cup will blow them.
When betrayal collapses and simply breaks downlife, then very few people imagine what to do. After all, we must somehow live on, go to work, eat and sleep, and finally just exist. They include a protective mechanism from those processes that began to occur in their reality, which has radically changed with the advent of treason.
Therefore, many deceived people and decide thatthe best way out of the current situation for them would be “retaliatory” betrayal. It is not even they who decide, not their consciousness and mind, which are simply “disconnected” during a period of a particular emotional state. At the moment, there are completely different mechanisms of the human psyche.
We can say that at this moment they do not knowwhat they do. To a humiliated betrayal of a man, the most disgusting scenes of betrayal of his second half with another or another are drawn in the head. In order to shut himself off and defend himself from this nightmare, the psyche helpfully offers him the only “right” way out - to avenge the betrayal of a husband or wife.
Betrayal and forgiveness - things compatible
You can forgive an unfaithful spouse,if before that between these people was love, sincere feelings of affection and trust. The fact is that betrayal treason - strife. Someone will say that in the presence of such emotions, betrayal is basically impossible, but it is not. Everyone wants to live happily and die in one day, but we are real people who are sometimes weak.
But it may be that the spouse succumbedthe charms of an obsessive colleague, an acquaintance who had long had his own views on him. In addition, "trips to the left" often occur under the influence of alcohol, on business trips (away from home), on corporate parties. But from this, the husband will not love his wife less - it just happened, and he will curse himself for it. Of course, in that case, it would be a huge mistake to answer with treason for treason against your husband, as this could lead to the death of the relationship and family.
Husband sincerely repent of "deed", heI am sure that this will never happen again and that adultery was a fatal mistake and an accident. If he asks for forgiveness for treason, then definitely it is impossible to take revenge. If the wife does this, then the spouses are unlikely to maintain their relationship.
Where revenge leads, or what comes in return
As mentioned above, sex with another partner,used as revenge for the betrayal of a loved one, does not bring anything but desolation, self-loathing and a feeling of emptiness. This is especially acutely felt by women who decide to take this step.
Statistics and various studies statethe fact that almost all families fall apart after one spouse decides to commit adultery in order to avenge their trampled feelings. When I betrayed one, then the other and both of them still have a chance to fix everything - to figure out who is to blame and how to behave further to each one so that this will not happen again.
Otherwise, stop the destruction alreadywill be almost impossible. Of course, there are couples who, after mutual treason, have not broken off relations and continued to live on, but there are very few of them. As a rule, such people do not have a joint future. Such is the price paid for treason.
So is it worth it to avenge your loved one for treason?
It is not worth it even because it is simply unprofitable inemotionally. After all, the person who was betrayed, remains the moral right and advantage over the traitor. That, in turn, to save relationships and family, will do everything to satisfy them. In other words, it will be “atonement”. These are gifts and flowers for no reason, trips, invitations to a restaurant and, most importantly, a lot of attention and care. This is all a person deprives himself if he decides to take revenge and do the same as his second half. Firstly, he puts himself with him on one level (that is, it turns out that he is no better than him), and secondly, deprives himself of the above described advantages. But most importantly, it destroys the chance to save the family: after all, where both change, its existence is simply impossible.
You can forgive treason
Many ask if it is possible and necessary to forgive a deception.and treachery? Definitely yes, if that is the will and desire. You should never destroy a relationship if there is at least some small chance for their salvation. No wonder they say that breaking is easy, and building a new one is much more difficult.
The only thing you can do is understand andforgive, no matter how hard it was. Perhaps, not even immediately, and then, when too acute pain passes or becomes dull a little. Psychologists advise that it is not necessary to forgive quickly, even after such words: “Forgive me for treason”. A wrong (or wrong) must suffer in order to realize the value of forgiveness. Otherwise, when it gets him easily, then it will depreciate and it is not surprising that it will change again and again. If it was so easy and quick to forgive the first time, maybe it would cost the second time?
Of course, there are families who survived such situations inof life. Forgiveness and, most importantly, a ban on raising and remembering this topic in the future helped them to maintain relationships. People agree to forget about everything and live on. And they live so happily for years. True, as studies show, to the end to forget this story so no one can. It takes quite a lot of mental and emotional strength to see every day the person who betrayed you and at the same time try to rebuild your relationship.
Love forgives everything
Revenge for betrayal of a loved one can not bebecause he is beloved. The words "treason", "revenge" - these are things incompatible with the feeling of love. It is impossible to hurt someone who is dear and who is loved. They say that when you love, you can forgive everything. And this is true, because the very realization of the loss of a dear person is much worse than his betrayal, deceit and treachery.
Если же простить не получается, то лучше будет break up. And without hysterics and scandals, and with his head held high. And it is not necessary to “run” into someone else’s bed in order to receive compensation for the injury received: you cannot return your loved one, but you can lose self-respect forever. Is it worth it? Still, everyone decides for himself.
